Why is it hard for you to trust?

Why is it hard for you to believe?

Why do you have to listen to those who are saying negative things about me?

What else do I have to do to prove that I am not doing anything wrong?

It is indeed true that you cannot convince a person who has already convinced himself. No matter how you try to inculcate the truth to him, he would cling to whatever he believes in. Even if he tells you he believes you one time, the truth is, he doesn't. He is just saying that to put an end to the story. The next time around, he would tell you those things over and over again.

It is hard to prove yourself to someone who won't believe you. The feeling of being accused of something you did not do, didn't think of doing and wouldn't even try to do is more than heartbreaking. It is like you want to escape from the chains and balls locked around your hands and feet because you know you are clean and innocent.

Now I know how bad it feels to be imprisoned with lies and to be locked up because of false accusations. Now I know how bad it feels when that person you want to belive you doesn't even try to consider your explanations. It makes me numb. It makes me helpless.

There is nothing else to say. There is nothing left to do because I have done everything. I'd rather be labeled a liar while telling the truth than pretend to tell the truth while telling a lie. So I stand on my words. Nothing is going to change because what my mouth utters are realism.



It is okay if other people look at me negatively. What is important is how I look at myself because as long as I know I am clean and I am not doing anything filthy, I know I can walk the streets with head high and chin up.

All I know is that I hate liars and so I'm not and will never be a liar.

And all I know is that, it is easier for people to believe in lies than listen to the truth.

I know you have noticed I was away for a long time. I missed blogging and sharing my thoughts to you but I couldn't do that when my daughter was in the hospital. Well, it wasn't last week or last last week. It was last last last week. But still, I wasn't able to get into writing since I had a bunch of work to finish.

Even if it happened weeks ago, I can still recall the pain Bella went through when she was in the ER. When we arrived at the ER, she was just happy and she kept on talking to the nurses but when it was time to put on the IV, that was the time she started screaming. I don't know if your toddler had been to the hospital. But it is dreadful to see her being wrapped with blanket from shoulder to feet so she won't strangle and move.



Of course, that is the best thing to do but there isn't any better way to do it. It was a hard situation for me (and of course for her!). I feel like I want to ran away from that place so I can't see her in pain. But I know I won't and I can't because I have to be there for her. I can see how scared she was as she screamed while we hold her. She kept on crying until the nurse was done with her job. I was just happy that the nurse was good at putting the IV and she just did it once perfectly.

Her one week stay in the hospital was a mix of pain and smiles. I am happy that even if she feels sick, she can still manage to laugh and be that talkative baby we have. Her gastroenteritis and UTI was gone after a week. And that is days of vomiting, diarrhea and  infrequent fevers. It wasn't easy but we are glad she recovered at once.



I know that for parents, seeing our kids in pain is the last thing we want to witness because whatever pain they feel, we feel it twice. If only we can, we would choose to take their place so we can take the pain instead of our little ones.

Being in the ER is a heartbreaking moment but of course, we are left with no choice because this is the only way to shoo their boo-boo away. Hence, instead of breaking down in tears, we try to be strong no matter how hard it is. We try to be brave even if we are screaming with fear inside. After all, everything will soon be over and we can see our little ones running around to play again.

Surprisingly, there are many things that I have learned after the typhoon. Some of them are positive, others are negative and still others are kind of humorous.  But if there is one great thing that I will never forget is this chance for a second life. We owe it all to God for protecting my family and relatives. What happened to us is really life changing. Apart from a temporary home and a new lifestyle, we have a stronger faith-much stronger than what we had before. 

1. There are many people who care about you and are happy that you are alive. (Even those you haven’t met personally.)

2. Other people will help you even if they don’t know who you are. Some would even send cash wherever they are in the world.

3. Foreigners care more about us than some Filipinos politicians.

4. Street talks can be a substitute to news and can either be reliable or not.

5. News are not that reliable too. Some are exaggerated while others are understated.

6. Rumors are exaggerated like the talks that only 40 people were left in Guiuan, Eastern Samar only to find out that there were only 100 casualties.

7. Number of casualties can be reduced to almost 50% just to make things look okay. 

8. Relief goods are usually comprised of rice, sardines and water. But whatever is inside it, we are always thankful.

9. Canned goods from foreign countries are changed to local sardines because Waraynons might not like the taste of imported goods. Or might have an upset stomach after munching on it. Should we be thankful that you care? Ohhh….

10. Packed relief goods from foreign countries needs repacking so that local officials can get their own share even if they were not typhoon victims. (And they won’t admit this even if it is obvious.)

11. Typhoon victims can only avail of the help 100% sure if the foreigners/kind-hearted Filipinos are the ones who personally give them.

12. Sardines can be cooked in many different ways.

13. People are happy to share even if they have little.

14. Our neighbors are not that weird or unfriendly after all.

15. Bathrooms are sturdier than any other parts of the house because most houses only have bathrooms left after the typhoon. *grin



16. Rich people have more loses than the less fortune ones.

17. Cars can fly. Houses can travel from Point A to Point B.

18.  Waraynons will fight for each other and will never let go. Belittling us and pissing us off is a bad idea. You'll end up an internet sensation with a negative impression and the whole world will know that. Right, Mar Roxas?

19. Waraynons remain strong, happy and courageous despite everything that happened. 

20. Higher officials don’t really care. They are just politicizing, loves picture taking while giving out reliefs and are hoping to get our votes for the next election. 

21. Our mayor cares and wouldn't mind if a camera is around as long as he can help. He even drives the vehicle to send relief goods. Well, other Waraynon politicians care too even if they belong to a different political party.

22. You can’t receive relief goods if you did not vote for the present Barangay Captain. If you receive one, you will hear foul words from them.

23. Deaths for calamities are investigated. Too bad they were not able to imprison Haiyan for she got away at once. 

24. Stealing is tolerated, not investigated and thieves are just free to steal more.

25. Looting is allowed only if food and clothing is taken but it can also mean stealing flat screen televisions, smart phones, shoes, books and a lot more. 

26. You need to pay for high priced goods even if you are buying looted goods and even if you are jobless and homeless like the ones selling them.

27. A four hour drive is equivalent to two days walking. A 30 minute drive is equivalent to 4 hours of walking.

28. Even the farthest distance can be reached by foot if: 1) you truly love your family/relatives and is genuinely worried about them that you need to personally check their condition, 2) you are in dire need of food and supplies, 3) you are going to join the looting club.

29. You are accepted by the society if you don’t wear make-up and even if your clothes aren’t fashionable (or ironed.)

30. Material possessions don’t matter. Life does.

What can you say?

It's been a month since my last post and the last time I was able to write something was the night we were praying for Typhoon Haiyan/ Yolanda not to come or to at least not be that strong and fierce. But no. It was really a super typhoon. Never had I thought that the typhoon will cause so much destruction. I know it has been one month already but it seemed like it just happened yesterday. Allow me to tell you our story.

How We Survived Typhoon Haiyan

I didn't get some sleep while we were monitoring the speed and strength of the typhoon. I was nervous because I feel like a really strong wind would pull our roof off. I fear that my wall would collapse while Bella was sleeping on our bed that is why I would run to the bed every time the wind blows. That was just 5 a.m.

I also kept on updating hubby through text and calls about the speed and strength of the typhoon while he and his parents were staying in one of the evacuation centers which happens to be our school in college. At 6 a.m, the situation was still the same. The wind would blow hard then would stop. It would "woosh" and stop, "woosh" and stop.

Others thought it was already Yolanda but I know it is not yet the typhoon. At 6:30, hubby called and told me to go downstairs. That time, I transferred Bella to my parent's bedroom because the wind was already scary in our bedroom since we can clearly hear it from the window. When hubby called, I ran down the stairs with Bella. It was the right timing because the ceiling started to rip and rain went inside.

Suddenly, the glass on our windows broke because of the wind. We then stayed on one corner and covered ourselves with a blanket. We were all wet. Glass and furniture were flying everywhere. Leaves, roof, gutters, and just anything went inside our house. My father was wounded on his left eye because of a glass. A tall cabinet fell on my mother's nose and wounded her. She was holding Bella that time. But good thing Bella wasn't hurt and my mother only got a small wound on her nose. Bella was trembling with fear. I was crying as I saw a tree being thrown right on our window. We can clearly see how the wind whirled and tossed just anything around.

We fear that things will get worse. We went under the stairs as my father instructed. Under our stairs is a small room enclosed with a home bar. We stayed in that room until the winds stopped. I was worried about Bella because she was soaked with water for a long time. She didn't cry. She would just listen and watch. She didn't say anything. I knew she was hungry, afraid and cold.

We stayed in the room until 11:00 a.m. We all prayed for it to end. The sound of the roofs being ripped, glass being thrown to pieces, doors being slammed, trees uprooted, objects flying inside the house, objects rolling down the stairs, and the whistling of the wind were scary . It was like tomorrow would never come. I was enveloped with fear and all I did was pray to Jehovah God to save us.

The Aftermath

The news after the storm was very heartbreaking. Many people died. That day, my father and brother left to look for a hotel to stay. But all they saw were dead bodies on the streets, broken buildings and homes. Obviously, no hotel would operate that time. They said that dead bodies are everywhere which was due to the storm surge. We were thankful that there wasn't a storm surge in our village because if the water rose, I don't know what's going to happen to us.

For 24 hours, we were in complete isolation. No communication. I don't even know what happened to hubby and to our other relatives in Tanauan, Leyte. The second day after the typhoon, hubby came. He walked from Tacloban to Palo for 4 hours. The only way to reach places is by foot because aside from the dead bodies, there are also debris everywhere.

But our experience is nothing compared to those who were reached by the storm surge. My cousins and other relatives needed to stay on the roof trusses to survive. They ate raw noodles because they didn't have a choice. Other people swam through the waters, clung unto trees, or climbed on roofs. My heart broke into pieces because I was thinking of all the babies and kids. What happened to them when the water went up? It was really terrible.

Our situation is way better than other victims of the typhoon. Our family was complete and safe. We were still able to recover some things. We were able to acquire food because my father went to a nearby city to buy them. We cannot rely on relief goods alone because it was very very rare in our area. We need to do something in order to live. We stayed in St. Scholastica's Village, Palo, Leyte for three weeks. We left the place after cleaning and retrieving other belongings.

We needed to leave because things were getting worse. Some people would go to homes, steal food and kill the homeowners. Our place was like a ghost town enveloped with fear. But it was not the dead people that were scary. It was those who were alive and might take our lives in exchange of goods and foods. It was a battle for each one's life. We could even hear gun shots every now and then. We would hide under the stairs again for fear that a bullet might get into our house. During evenings, my brother and father would stay up late to guard the front door. We have a burglar alarm to make sure no intruder could get in.

Our House After the Typhoon


Aside from the roof and trusses that were destroyed, our wall also collapsed. But the images you see above were pictures taken after we have cleaned the debris. We were not able to think of taking pictures after the typhoon. But like what I said, our condition is still better than those who really lost everything including their houses. You can see my younger brother on the second image where debris from the second floor were placed. Below that picture, (fourth image) was my bedroom.

The place we considered home was destroyed but I know that it will soon recover and be restored. We may have left our house but we will return. We may have lost many material possessions but we still have our faith in Jehovah God and we are all safe and alive.

Two years ago, I was pregnant. I had this big bulging tummy with a moving baby inside me. I had always wondered how I will look like when I get pregnant because I am petite. I actually thought I'd be like a puff fish or a turtle who's shell house was inverted to the front. So, when I got pregnant, aside from worrying about the condition of baby girl inside me, I was conscious of how I looked.

Elders said that once you have a baby boy, you'll be an ugly preggy and if you have a baby girl, you'll be a pretty preggy. So, guess where I ended up to be? Of course  I was a pretty preggy!hahaha. And that lessened up my worries about looking ugly BUT there were still some ugly thingy that happened to me.

My OB-GYNE told me that I would have some dark skin on my neck and armpit. I didn't mind it because I thought it wasn't true. But hell yah it was! My neck and armpits were getting darker and no matter how I rub it, it never go away! I was like waaahhhhh! Give me chlorine or stain remover!haha. I was crazy. I told my mom about it and she said it was normal. Amps. Hubby kept on teasing me about those "black parts". I always tell him that it is his fault for impregnating me.hahaha. Well, sometimes, preggy girls say crazy things.

Aside from those black nightmares, my feet were big! I am only a size 5 but magically I had a size 7 feet. Imagine? I needed to buy new footwear that time. My brothers laughed at how big my feet are. Big tummy, big feet but small me. Can you picture that? Please don't.

Now you'll say, "We thought you were pretty when you were pregnant?" Yah. I was. Well, at least my FACE was pretty but I still had those black thingy, large feet and I was also fat. I also worried about how I could go back to my figure. Luckily, I got my figure back without working out. lol

My baby bump was big too. Some people even asked me, "Can you still see your feet?" I want to slap them on the face because they know I can't. We thought my baby was big. We were even worried that I might have a hard time giving birth or I might get a CS because it is big. Only to find out that they baby was small and the ambiotic fluid filled up my tummy. There were plenty of water around my small baby.

These were the only pictures I can find when I was pregnant. Guess I wasn't able to justify my "pretty preggy" claim.lol

I always wanted to look good despite being pregnant. My mother allowed me to use her smaller clothes. Well, don't get me wrong. She doesn't wear oldies clothing. I don't look old on it. lol. I borrowed some of Mom's clothes but I did bought a few. I knew I won't be able to use them after I give birth..and I was right.

Whatever I looked like when I was pregnant, what is important to me is that Bella came up pretty, smart and healthy.  I may looked ugly being fat with large feet and some "black parts" lol but I still looked pretty even if you won't agree with me.haha.

How about you? How did you look like when you were pregnant? Were you a pretty mommy or the opposite?